do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
