"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
