I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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