I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
