last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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