I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
