omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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