I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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