At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
