I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
