Me too!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
