I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So many bounce houses so little time
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
