It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This toilet bowl is my home.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
