Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
