Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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