you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
