I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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