last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
