I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
