last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
