the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
