just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
