never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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