Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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