i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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