i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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