respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
