for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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