My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
