So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
