how can u be prego again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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