how can u be prego again
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
