Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
