I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
