I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
worst night to have a conscience
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
