Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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