The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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