i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
two words...techno handjob
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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