OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
