You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
