my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
