where am i from again
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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