I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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