Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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