I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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