Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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