Did you just see the Batmobile???
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
