VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
