Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Found your dick twin last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
