that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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